Journal #6 chap 16- 19 (Tom Robinson)

I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’ve done nothing wrong, yet I’m being prosecuted for raping a nineteen year old ignorant girl! I’m the defendant to some girl trying to land me in prison, or get me hung.

I’ve always been nice to her, every time she asked, I’d come in and help her do whatever little task she needed help with. I thought it was a little odd every time- me, a cripple, a negro with only one working arm, to help an able bodied girl who does almost everything else. No matter, I helped her with anything she wanted, to be courteous, nice, and to perhaps get her on my side, if I were to ever need it.

But no, now, she’s charging me with rape. Even though she was the one who wanted me, I’m the one that’ll end up dispelled. That’s my bet. I’ll be the one in jail… or dead.

I worry mostly about my family. If I do end up in the slammer, my family will suffer because I’m not there. Now, while I’m in a holding cell and being tried, they’re being supported by the church, First Purchase. I worry about if and when I’m not there to protect them.

Basically, theirs and my entire future depend on this trial. Atticus Finch is my lawyer, and I trust him entirely, the amiable, loyal man, but I’m still not sure how this is going to end up. He’s been doing a great job interrogating Mayella Ewell. He was getting every scrap of information that he could out of her. Too bad all those scraps were lies. She complacently told the whole entire town of Maycomb and the all-important Judge Taylor (who was indulging himself in a cigarette) that I had come into her house and raped her, but that was a complete fib. She claimed that the ‘rape’ was the first time I’d ever been in her house before, but she’d made me on several occasions. Mostly, they were just little odd-end jobs like chopping up a chiffarobe, clearing wood, moving heavy things, and this time, she called me in to fix a broken door. When I got in there, the door was completely fine. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. I was really confused, then she asked me to get something at the top of a different chiffarobe. I stood on a chair and all the sudden she’d grabbed hold of my legs. I jumped off the chair and it fell over (by the way, the only thing that I ever damaged or hurt in the entire predicament). She grabbed my face and kissed the sides of my face. She told me this was the first time she’d ever kissed a man, and it might as well have been me, a nigger. I was completely dumbfounded at her remark, and it threw me off balance. I tried to get out of there, but she blocked the door. I tried to push her aside, but in a kind manner, but she wouldn’t move. She asked me to kiss her back, but why in the world would I do that? Anyway, Mr. Ewell then came in, and started calling me dirt and yelled so I ran for it while I had the chance. I couldn’t believe Mayella would stoop that low. I don’t even know what her motive was, or how long she had been planning to sabotage me, but her ambush wasn’t really well planned out. She might have just wanted the satisfaction of my hanging, or whatever money she might get, but either way was a complete cliché of ignorant white trash. They all drive me crazy. Except for the good eggs like Atticus Finch and his chillun. That’s why I’m glad that he’s my lawyer, and he’ll actually try to help me out, unlike other racist lawyers that would not even try at the trial.

I hope I get out of this one alive,
Tom Robinson